Transform systems by evolving at the individual level.

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Things need to change.

They need to change from the top-down, and the bottom-up.

At the individual level, and at the systems level.

The good news is, everything is reciprocal: so the more you do to heal and evolve, the more the systems around you will be informed by that.

The more the systems you are a part of heal and evolve, the more you will feel the impact of that.

My personal expertise is the intersection of individual self-development and systems evolution. I love diving deep with individuals into what makes them come alive, and I am also a systems-thinker who sees the ripple effects at the collective level.

This is especially true in organizations and institutions—in the workplace.

We can no longer afford to keep self-development sequestered in the realm of individual therapy or coaching.

There is no leadership development without self-development.

Healthy individuals are only as healthy as the systems they are a part of: relationships with themselves, their lovers, their families, their friends, their colleagues, their communities, their organizations, their governing bodies.

And healthy systems are only as healthy as the integrity of the people who work within them.

The best systems will fail us if the people leading them are nincompoops. The best people will fail us if their environment doesn’t allow them to thrive.

If you are a humanful leader, or would like to be, then your own self-development is part of the process. What does that look like?

• Practicing curiosity rather than judgment.

• Learning how to work with your ego and triggers (and others’) without letting those egos and triggers run the show.

• Up-leveling your skills of collaboration.

• Learning how to connect authentically—not from behind a mask.

• Creating a safe, inclusive environment: radical belonging.

• Establishing a culture of giving and receiving feedback fluently, so everyone gets crucial intelligence about course-corrections that need to take place.

• Learning how to create sound strategies—and then sticking to them by creating and measuring objectives and tasks that dovetail with them.

• Defining what good leadership means to you personally.

• Identifying your particular gifts, and how you use them in service of your leadership.

• Understanding that leadership is a service position. If you don’t see it that way, your ego may be running the show. (That’s amendable, if you choose.)

• Respecting your colleagues as whole humans. (If you don’t, then kindly reassess whether you are meant to be a leader. Not everyone is, and that’s okay.)

• Learning how to work with emergence.

• Understanding that leadership is an embodied stance of showing up human—not simply a role or job title.

If you want better systems—more inclusive companies, less exploitation, more collaboration, less domination—then start with yourself.

Build the awareness, skills, and courage to act in integrity with your humanity.

All things change when we do.

If you know your own self-development is connected to the greater good, and if you’re looking for a collaborator to hone your skills and dive deep so you can fly high, let me know. You’re my type.

Why feedback feels risky and what to do about it

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To the ego, feedback is a threat. In a growth system, feedback is a necessity.

Offering feedback can feel risky, whether it’s at work or to someone we have a close relationship with. Receiving feedback can feel awful.

But why?

Because we have egos.

The ego feels threatened by feedback when its identity is wrapped up in ideas of perfection, authority, goodness, worthiness, value, or rank.

“Perfection” doesn’t need feedback, it’s already perfect—so feedback threatens its perfection. However, there’s no such thing as perfection, so what that’s all about is actually needing to be perceived as excellent. It’s about identity—and comparison.

“Authority” is in charge, so feedback threatens its in-chargeness—its power over others, its higher rank (which keeps the ego feeling worthy). This is also about identity and comparison.

The ego HATES its identity being questioned.

This is why, in an organization, it can feel risky to offer feedback up—if the hierarchy is rigid and identities are very invested in their rank within it, then the person receiving the feedback can feel like their authority is being questioned.

The person offering the feedback feels vulnerable, because the person they’re giving the feedback to is often the one who evaluates them—and thus can determine their livelihood.

This is one of the perils of hierarchy—and a great loss.

In our personal relationships, the stakes are also high: we risk the possibility of rupture if we lack the skills to navigate the dynamic of giving and receiving feedback graciously. No wonder we don’t like to deal with this.

This is source of tension that’s rarely talked about, but very real and pretty common.

Instead of tiptoeing around our egos and pretending this dynamic isn’t happening, why not just admit to the fact that our feathers get ruffled—but that’s okay, we can learn the skills to get on with things anyway?

Any organization, system, or relationship that plans to grow needs feedback. Without it, it’s flying blind and stunting its own growth.

Like failure, feedback is just data.

When we remove judgment from it, it’s neutral—not an attack on someone’s skill, worth, or authority.

It IS an admission that things are not perfect—which is REAL. Reality is something we can work with.

And so are egos: we can learn to witness our egos, but not let them derail the feedback loop.

We can build feedback-sharing practices into businesses and relationships so it’s expected and welcomed—like vacuuming under the rug when we’ve swept stuff under it. It’s just good hygiene.

We can de-personalize the feedback, so it doesn’t feel so vulnerable: it’s just what happened, not the sum total of who you/we are.

Again, we get tangled in the identity piece.

The more feedback we give and receive, the more our egos can relax into and trust the new pattern.

We’re all still responsible for our actions, but the more we give and get feedback about how we’re impacted by events and our part in them, the more levers we have to find healthier ways of doing things.

Without feedback, we’re stuck repeating the same unhealthy habits.

We can learn that our egos can survive feedback, and even better—thrive beyond it.

Then, we can grow—together.